Issues of Sexuality

It hit me recently, while taking a shower (why is it that while doing this horrendously mundane things that these thoughts come? And why is it I never have a pen and paper ready??), that I realized a few things about sexual issues..
So here are some of the summation of my thoughts:

On Sexual Addiction:

I think that in sexual addicition, as in many different types of sins, we find the perversion of a legitimate desire and a legitimate pursuit. For men, I know, it's a desire to win the beauty and all that, but it's also the adventure of romance. Men like a challenge (whether they admit it or not) and they like an adventure. The problem comes, however, when they confuse the adventure and heady feelings of romance with sex. Even further, the problem comes when they attain what they thought would bring the ultimate with whatever woman they are pursuing, and deep down they feel cheated...cheated out of a challenge, cheated out of an adventure... Like everything was just too easy.

This is how it was in my own failures. My relationship broke down in part, I believe, because I began to resent the person I was with, which was totally unfair on my part, but was altogether real anyways. It was like "Ok...the challenge is over...the adventure is ended...now what?" And it became tedious. So, we fell further into sin, doing so over and over, thinking perhaps that the more we did these things, the more fulfilling the relationships would be, and that only fueled the resentment.

For women, however, it's different. I cannot speak as one who knows so much, because obviously women are a mystery to me unlike any other, but I suspect a few things. First of all, I suspect that women become addicted to sex out of a need to feel wanted..desired. I guess that sounds cliche, but I think it really is true. I think, deep down, a woman longs to be captivating and beautiful and desired. And so, they confuse this with sex, thinking somehow that a man will think they themselves are wonderful if they give up control of themselves. One person has told me that she loves it because she longs for the connection...I don't think it's the connection she desires so much as the affirmation that she is beautiful, desirable, and a great person. It makes me sad, and makes me wonder if anyone has ever told her in a real, positive way that she is all of those things and more, and that she doesn't have to find that "connection" in sex to be all of those things.

Another possible reason that women could become addicted to sex is the power which it brings. A woman's sexuality and beauty are weapons, no doubt about it. Just as a man very well could be addicted to sex for the rush and the power he feels, the same could be said of a woman. She may feel superior while seducing men, as if she has power over these simple creatures *chuckle*. Once again, these desires are based in legitimacy, but perverted by the flesh and by Satan.

On Homosexuality:

This is a slightly trickier subject. Homosexuality is a complex issue, full of variables which may or may not play into a person's confusion of sexuality and gender issues. I truly am beginning to think that homosexuality finds its roots in a man not having proper role models of the same sex, and perhaps disasterous experiences with the opposite sex. Many statistics have shown that a great number of homosexual men have had overbearing mothers.

I think that perhaps the mothers might be equal perpetrators here, however. A mother's desire to protect and shelter her children is legitimate, but it is not ok, nor is it right, to shelter a man from all the things that make him one. To insist that a boy never play with guns or fight or do sports out of fear of turning him violent or him getting hurt is not only leading to devastation, but it is irrational. In essence, what is really happening is the emasculation of a child from an early age. Mothers, you are teaching your boys how to be women, and not how to be men.

Lest the mothers take all the blame, I turn now to how the fathers may hold some stake in this problem. A Father's job is to teach the son to be a man. It is also to allow the boy to grow into a man by the boy's testing his strength, and by it being affirmed. A boy cannot think of himself as a man if he is never told that he is one. If a father is constantly calling his child weak, or sissy, or stupid, or a faggot, real growth can never take place.

Now, as this child grows, having had no real idea as to what manhood is or femininity is, he is thus confused. So to whom does he turn? Friends, most likely. While this may be a good thing, this can do devastating amounts of damage. Why? Because the child likely has friends who are just as injured! If one wants to overcome alcohol abuse, do they go to a bar? If one wishes to learn what it means to be an adult, do they ask a child? The problem is that this child, whose logic and thought processes are so damaged that he cannot alone figure this out, then turns to someone with the exact same problem as he, thinking perhaps this person smarter or wiser. This is without realizing that the person has the SAME EXACT flaw in their thinking. So the child surrounds himself with similarly damaging people, and learns that being damaged is "ok" and that he should "express" himself. What we could possibly have is the birth of a person who is so convinced he is homosexual that it seems impossible to think otherwise.

This, I believe, is why most homosexuals believe that it is a genetic flaw. It began so young and never stopped that they have no idea what it is like to be "normal," and so they assume it is genetic.

Another thought occured to me, however. I think that when someone looks into their own memory, they often rose color their memories. They remember things not exactly as they were. Now, as for myself, I don't usually rose color, but do the opposite. In some ways, I remember things as worse than they were, and in some ways cannot even remember the good things at all! I think this is true for the homosexual who claims he has always been "gay." It is perhaps true that he has always been damaged at his core, but not necessarily that he has always been "gay."

Lest I write off all personal responsibility in this issue, I come to the thing that kind of seals the nail in the coffin of this young person. I truly am beginning to believe, as I ponder these things, that certainly bisexuality, and almost as certainly homosexuality, is in large part caused by an addiction to sex. The person starts off small, and thinks only of the opposite sex. However, as time goes on, things need to get more and more perverse to feed the need. This leads to bisexuality and perhaps outright homosexuality. The need to be more and more "kinky" has led to this, and not to actually honest feelings of romantic love for the same sex. (As most homosexuals would claim)

This becomes more poignant for me the more I talk to people afflicted. It seems that the vast majority of people like this that I have met think very little of anything else but sex. They seem consumed by it, enslaved to it. Their daily conversations, their views of life, all seem to revolve around sex. No wonder the mind is so clouded! When horomones are kicking on all the time, it can be very difficult to think!